Paul Anthony’s story
Paul, 62, was diagnosed with localised prostate cancer in 2021 and had surgery to remove his prostate. Here, he talks about how his diagnosis and treatment have affected his mental wellbeing. He also talks about things that helped him stay positive.
Being diagnosed
In February 2021, I noticed some changes when ejaculating - I’d stopped ejaculating any semen. This puzzled me, so I went to the GP and she referred me to the urology department at the hospital.
During my first hospital appointment, I had a digital rectal examination (DRE). A few months later, a nurse from the hospital rang and asked me to come in for an MRI scan. This was followed by a biopsy a month later.
On the day of my diagnosis, the air was crisp and the leaves were starting to turn: it was one of those glorious autumnal mornings I absolutely love. I took a deep breath and told myself that, whatever happens, I wasn’t going to let this faze me too much. When I was told it was prostate cancer, I was a bit numb at first, but I decided that I wasn’t going to be freaked out by the C-word and take each next step one at a time.
Taking it easy after surgery
I decided very early on that I would have surgery, I just wanted to get the cancer out. When deciding on a treatment, it’s important to do your research with trustworthy sources. You can also call the Prostate Cancer UK Specialist Nurses to discuss treatment options.
After surgery, I took steps to make my recovery as easy as possible. Taking some practical steps just after surgery was important for my physical and mental health. I was careful not to put too much strain on myself for three or four months. As my wife was ill during all this, we had our shopping delivered and we were fortunate to have friends who came around and did the housework for us too.
Practical support from friends was vital after my surgery.
They also helped us reorganise our living room and install a bed for me, which meant that my wife and I could relax and watch TV in the same room together. If was good for us to be together, we were able to look after each other.
The impact of surgery
Urinary problems
Early on after surgery, I was leaking urine quite a lot. I must admit I found this really difficult to manage initially and was very unhappy. Over time and with daily pelvic floor exercises, this did improve after a few months. Now, I only have very minor stress incontinence.
To cope with leaking I make sure I’m always carrying spare incontinence pads. At the start when I was leaking a lot, I made sure I had a spare pair of trousers and back-up pants and pads when I went out. This helped me feel less anxious about going out and prepared in the event of any issues.
For me, practical solutions helped me to keep a positive outlook. Having a positive attitude really helped me cope.
I tell myself: I can just get on with living, even doing heavy gardening. I might leak a bit, but so what.
Erectile dysfunction
For me, difficulty getting an erection had the biggest impact on me mentally. I’ve really struggled. Unfortunately, erection problems have impacted intimacy with my wife, I think that this has been the hardest to deal with. Ultimately, I’ve maybe felt less of a man, and this has been hard to work through!
But I have found things that can help! I got myself a vacuum pump and have taken an erectile dysfunction (ED) tablet called sildenafil. The tablet gives me acid reflux, but it does help with penile rehabilitation. It can help to time when you take the tablet to have the most benefit. Dealing with the side effects isn’t easy. But leaving my prostate cancer untreated would have been much worse.
Reading posts on the Prostate Cancer UK online community has been helpful for dealing with erectile dysfunction. The online forum has helped me feel less alone. I also sometimes join a monthly online session for people to chat through the sexual side of recovering from prostate cancer.
If you’re thinking about surgery, I recommend talking to your doctor or urologist if you’re worried about ED. You could also speak to one of Prostate Cancer UK’s Specialist Nurses or read about others experiences on the online community. It was useful to know in advance that my surgery would be nerve-sparing (where your surgeon tries to preserve the nerves which help you get erections).
I personally haven’t felt the need for counselling, my wife has been extremely supportive and given me the emotional support I’ve needed. I would tell other men that it’s worth looking into getting help if you feel you need it.
Looking after my mental wellbeing
My hobbies are crucial to my mental wellbeing. I retired a year after surgery and since then my two main hobbies have been artwork and walking.
Doing my artwork
I’ve dabbled in art since my university days and focus on using paint to create geometric designs.
I made one piece called ‘Prostate cancer, stage two’, which led to two other pieces, going up to stages three and four. The designs got gradually more complex to represent the cancer spreading. This was very therapeutic for me and reduced my stress. I love the mental stimulation of getting down the outlines and then filling in the colour.
Painting really helps me take my mind off prostate cancer and the side effects of treatment.
I think making art, and going to exhibitions, helps me live in the moment. It feeds into a positive and energetic outlook on life. If my surgery allows me to keep painting for years to come, I will be very grateful.
Walking and nature
I feel the same about exploring nature reserves with my wife. We challenge ourselves to find certain kinds of wildlife like birds and butterflies. We might find everything we’re looking for or might not see anything – I like that element of surprise.
It’s motivational to complete these challenges – especially having retired. I like to keep focused, otherwise I can just drift.
It’s important, when living with prostate cancer, to keep achieving your goals, no matter how big or small.
Looking after yourself
It’s so important to look after yourself both physically and mentally. I know everyone says this but try and enjoy each day as best you can – stick with your hobbies and spend time with the people you love.
It’s also important to feel informed but be careful where you get your information from. Go for reliable sources like Prostate Cancer UK and the NHS website. Having the right information can help with decision making and anxiety. I read through the real life stories on the Prostate Cancer UK site too. Hearing about other men’s experiences reminds you that you aren’t on your own.
I’d also always encourage people to phone the Specialist Nurses – they’re there to help you.
It’s important to give yourself a treat each day, or each week. Do something that you enjoy daily, be kind to yourself. That’s helped me to look forward.
Created: January 2024