Supporting someone who is approaching the end of their life

You might be supporting your husband, partner, father, relative or friend as they approach the end of their life. When we talk about your loved one on this page, we are talking about the person you are supporting.

Looking after someone who is dying is difficult – physically, emotionally and financially. At times you might feel helpless or overwhelmed. It's important to look after yourself and get the support you need. 

Any support you can give your loved one is really important. You might help them with practical things like getting up and dressed, washing and eating. Or you might take on tasks that they can’t do any more, such as managing finances or doing jobs around the house. And you may provide friendship and support. It can be difficult for someone to accept that they can't do certain tasks anymore, so you might need to be sensitive to that when you offer to help.

Looking after a loved one

There are lots of things you can do to help your loved one.

Getting information 

Some men with prostate cancer feel uncertain about the future and worry about what might happen. Finding out what to expect can help you and your loved one prepare. It may also help to answer questions you have about physical problems, such as pain. Read more about  what to expect when someone you love is approaching the end of their life.

Planning ahead

It can be difficult to know what care is available for you and your loved one. Thinking and planning ahead can help you and your loved one get the support you need. Read more about what support is available, and where and who will be involved in your loved one's care, in the planning your care section.

Spending time together 

Spending time together can help you and your loved one feel less isolated, lonely or anxious. Some men don’t feel up to talking or doing anything very active. But even if you're just around, it will let them know that you are there for them.

Supporting someone in the last few days

It can help to prepare for physical changes your loved one might have, such as sleeping more or changes in their breathing. Read more about what to expect in the last few days.

There are things you can do to help, like talking calmly to them or holding their hand. Read more about things you can do to help in the Hospice UK's information and support page. 

Supporting someone in the last few days of their life can be overwhelming, upsetting and stressful. It can also be very tiring. It’s important to look after yourself as well as your loved one. Talking to someone about how you’re feeling, especially when it gets too much, can really help.

Talking to my loved one’s doctor or nurse

You might want to ask questions about your loved one’s cancer or treatment. But you may not feel able to ask about these things in front of your loved one. They can give their doctor or nurse permission to talk about their health with you.

If you want to talk to their doctor or nurse without their knowledge, they can listen to your concerns. They may not be able to talk about their specific condition but they will be able to give you general information. They might need to tell your loved one about the conversation if it affects their care and treatment of them.

Read more about talking to someone else’s doctor or nurse on the NHS website.  

Talking to a loved one

Talking about feelings can help get things out in the open and make you both feel less anxious. There’s no right or wrong way to talk about end of life care or dying. How you talk about it will depend on your situation and your relationship with your loved one. Take time to think about the best way to talk to them.

If you haven’t had difficult conversations in the past, it can be really hard to start these types of conversations. But it is good to try, as many people do find it useful to talk.

Think about the time and place where you want to talk about things. It can help to be in a calm environment. Try to make sure you both have enough time to say the things you want to say and to listen to each other.

Remember that your loved one may have similar questions and worries as you. They may find it a relief to be able to talk about their thoughts and feelings. It’s important to listen to them too – understanding what they are thinking can help.

If they don't want to talk

Some people feel that they can cope on their own and don’t want to talk. You might find this frustrating or upsetting.

Others may be going through the process of accepting that their treatment isn’t working. They might feel disbelief, denial and shock. They might find it hard to take in information about their cancer or accept help.

You could let them know that you are there for them if they need anything or decides that they do want to talk about things.

If they do start to talk, try to help them think about what they want, rather than telling them what they should do. You can do this by asking questions and listening to what they say.

Sometimes they might feel that they want to talk to someone but not you. That could be someone who understands what they are going through in a support group, on our online community or through our one-to-one peer support service.

If they want to talk but you don't, you could try talking to someone else first. Remember that you are dealing with your own feelings too.

Looking after myself

You may feel you need to be brave and strong for your loved one, and not think about your own worries and needs. But it’s important to look after yourself so that you can support them and cope in the long term.

Talking to someone

Talking to someone can help you share your worries and fears and make you feel less alone. For example, you could talk to a family member or a close friend.

You might find it useful to talk to someone with personal experience of prostate cancer who may understand what you’re going through. You could find your nearest support group, join our online community, or connect with someone through our one-to-one peer support service.

Some people find it helpful talking to a counsellor who specialises in supporting families and friends of people approaching the end of their life. Ask your GP or your loved one’s doctor or nurse if they can refer you to a counsellor. You can also visit NHS mental health services to see what other support is available. You could also see a private counsellor – to find out more, contact the British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy.

You can speak to our Specialist Nurses. They’ll listen to your worries and questions in confidence. They can also give you information about other services that may be useful. You may also find our information on looking after your mental and emotional wellbeing on our Wellbeing Hub helpful.

Taking time for myself

It’s important to take time for yourself so that you don’t get too tired and are able to cope in the long-term.

You could set aside small amounts of time to do something nice for yourself. You could listen to some music, spend time with a friend or go for a walk. If you don’t feel you can leave your loved one by themselves, you could ask a family member or friend to sit with them. Or a nurse or carer might be able to look after them while you have a break. This is called respite care.  

Accepting help from family and friends

Don’t feel that you have to cope with everything on your own. Try to accept help from others. People often want to help, and it can give you more time and energy to support your loved one. Family and friends might be able to help with things like collecting prescriptions, doing some shopping or cleaning, or looking after children or pets.

Looking after my health

People close to those with cancer can sometimes find that their own health gets worse. This might be because of stress, or because you don’t have the time or energy to look after yourself. Make sure you look after your own health. If you are feeling unwell, tired or low, talk to your GP.

After my loved one has died

Your thoughts and feelings

When someone you love dies, it can be very upsetting and distressing. Grief is very personal and everyone grieves differently.

Most people feel shock and numbness to begin with. You might feel a sadness that feels almost like a physical pain. Or you might feel anger, guilt, depression or longing. Some people feel very tired, anxious, have little appetite or have problems sleeping. It can also be stressful to sort out practical and financial things. You may cry a lot or not at all.

These feelings will usually get better over time.

If you’re not managing to do tasks like shopping, cooking or housework, this could be a sign that you need more support from family, friends or health professionals.

Everyone grieves differently and there is no ‘normal’ or ‘right’ way to feel. But if you feel sad or low a lot of the time, you could be depressed. It’s important to tell your doctor or nurse how you are feeling. They can help you get the support you need.

Supporting someone who is grieving

It’s difficult to know how to support someone when a person close to them has died. It can be especially hard if you were also close to the person who died.

It can help to stay in touch with the person and let them know you’re there for them. You could offer emotional support and practical help, such as going to the shops or helping with things around the house. Don’t avoid them, as they may be feeling very alone.

If, after a few months, they are not managing everyday tasks, such as housework, shopping or cooking, this could be a sign that they’re not coping. You could encourage them to speak to their doctor or go to the doctor with them.

Read more about how to help someone who has lost a loved one on the Cruse Bereavement Support website. The charity Winston’s Wish has more information about talking to children who are grieving.

References and reviewers

Updated: August 2025 | Due for Review: August 2028