Talking about cancer and dying

I’m happy to talk about dying because I think it breaks down the taboo. But it can be difficult. Sometimes it’s easier to say things like, “I’ve decided to donate my body to scientific research – what do you think?” People have lots of questions about that so it helps us start a conversation.

I’ve found that everyone reacts differently when you talk about dying and sometimes not how you’d expect. Some people shut down and it’s clear they are very uncomfortable talking about it. But most people are curious.

When my family ask how I am, I know that they actually want to know how I’m holding up and how treatment is going.

I’ve found it useful to bring humour into it – just because I’ve got cancer, life shouldn’t be depressing for me or those around me. I asked my brother, who’s a carpenter, whether he could make me a coffin. He agreed and asked what sort of production timescale I was looking at. I said it might not be useful for a while but perhaps I could use it as a coffee table in the meantime!

Talking to children

When my brother’s grandchild was nine years old she saw that I was wearing the Prostate Cancer UK man of men badge. She said, “What’s that?” So I explained what prostate cancer is and that I had it.

One of the other children said, “Are you dying then?” I explained that we’re all going to die one day. And I will die much earlier than them, and a bit earlier than their other grandparents. And I would probably die from prostate cancer.

I explained that I wasn’t afraid and that they shouldn't be afraid. And they could always talk about it or ask questions if they wanted.

Children are naturally curious. They ask direct questions and expect direct answers. And I didn’t think it would be helpful to hide things from them.