How my husband planned his end of life care

At the hospice, Mick told his doctors that he wanted to talk through what might happen in the days before he died and what signs there would be that things were coming to a close. Maybe it was his life in the RAF that made him want everything organised in military style.

Mick wanted me to be there to make sure that I understood everything. He also wanted me to hear first hand what he had been mulling over for some time. So I pulled up a chair and made sure a box of tissues was at hand just in case.

The questions started. What can I expect going forward? Are there treatments I can refuse if I want to? Can I go home soon? Why is it that I feel ok but everyone tells me I am very poorly? Will you make sure I get back in the hospice when the time comes?

• If your doctor doesn’t talk about dying to you, you can still talk to them. Asking about what to expect can be daunting and sometimes you don’t want to hear the answers. But it helped Mick and I prepare for what to expect. It made death less mysterious and less frightening.
• Planning can really help. I didn’t want to make decisions about Mick without Mick. I didn’t want to decide what treatments he should have or whether he should be admitted to hospital. So knowing what Mick wanted saved a lot of stress later on. In absolute truth he made everything so much easier for me and that was one of the kindest and most considerate things a dying man could have done.