After my husband died
Mo’s husband Mick was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer in June 2013. Mick started treatment immediately but sadly he died a year after he was diagnosed. After Mick died, Mo found ways to help her cope.
The days before the funeral were the worst time for me. I needed a lot of support and help and people around me.
Mick had made plans for his funeral. We had a Humanist service and the theme was “Celebrating a wonderful life”.
Mick had specifically requested no mourning clothes - definitely no suits or ties or black. He requested that we all dress as if we were going to a mate’s BBQ. He himself was wearing his favourite BBQ t-shirt, flip flops, and a pair of Bermuda shorts from one of his best buddies.
It was a remarkable day for a wonderful man – full of laughter, tears and lots of love. I don't think I have been hugged and kissed by so many people in my life.
Mick's funeral was a remarkable day for a wonderful man.
After Mick's funeral
After the funeral, I was in bits. I didn’t want to show how tough it was publically. But you need to let rip – you can’t hold that stuff inside. You need to have someone you can open up to.
You need to have someone you can open up to.
I tried to cope alone at first but a very close friend saw that I was struggling and he persuaded me to have grief counselling. This really helped and I regret not going sooner. They didn’t just look at my grief. They looked at my whole life and the reasons why I was dealing with things the way I was. It really made a huge difference for me to understand I was actually normal!
A very close friend saw that I was struggling and he persuaded me to have grief counselling.
A few months later, I took Mick’s ashes to America and scattered them under a large oak tree on the land he loved. I kept just enough to have some tribute rings made for me and Mick's daughter Karen.
I can’t express how important it’s been to talk to other people who have lost someone to prostate cancer. The online community was my lifeblood and the friends I’ve made from it have really kept me going at the toughest times.
I will miss Mick every day for the rest of my life. I won’t ever forget Mick but I will carry on with so many fantastic memories.
I won’t ever forget Mick but I will carry on with so many fantastic memories.
My tips for people who have lost someone
- Don’t rush into decisions. I left it six months after Mick died before I made any important decisions, and 18 months before making any life changing ones like moving house. Think with your head for a while and not your heart.
- Find someone you can talk to. Keeping things bottled up can be tough. You might have friends and family to talk to. And there are so many sources of support.
- No one can tell you how you should feel or what you should do. Different things work for different people. Losing Mick was the most painful thing I’ve experienced. I’ve found my own ways to cope and I hope you will find yours.